Rest in Peace...

 Today was "Banana Split Day" at my house. I got the babies report cards and they all did awesome, and I am very proud of them. But, I have to admit, that Kimmy's really took me by surprise. She earned all S and S+'s and her teacher said that she is the top reader in her class! I am so happy for her!  I just honestly feel, once you learn to read, the possibilities in this life are endless! I love all my children so much, and I am always proud of them, as long as they try their best...But I guess I just never expected for Kimmy to do that well. I know that probably sounds bad, but I remember being so concerned about her when she was about 3 years old. She hardly spoke any words at all. In fact, I had her tested for autism. I was so worried about my baby girl and what the future would hold for her. The thought of her having to depend on someone else for the rest of her life frightened me deeply. I can remember being pregnant with my oldest child and my brother asked me if I would like him to pray anything for my baby. My response was, "Yes, please pray that the baby can learn at a normal rate..."  I love my children so much, they are my heart, my life and my entire world. But I have seen how hard it is for people who have a learning disability, first hand. My first husband, Andrew's father, had a horrible time reading and writing. Something we all take for granted. I watched him struggle so much in life, watched all the horrible things he had to endure, and I just never wanted my own children to suffer the same fate. You see, when I had just turned 20 I married Andrew's biological father, Bradley. I had recently moved to Alabama ( following my Mother's relocation ) and I was young and probably not thinking very clearly at the time. Life seemed like a movie to me and I was it's star ( in my mind at least! ) Bradley was unlike anyone I had ever met, a very hard worker and a risk taker. He had a very thick southern accent and did a lot of physical labor. I guess i was used to city boys( in Saginaw) who, if they had any muscles at all, only had them from lifting weights. Not Bradley. His came from good old fashion hard work. We lived in a " village" called Fruithurst, Al. For those of you who know Millington, well let's just say that  to compare the 2 would be like Millington and Saginaw. Not even one stop light in this place. Not even a gas station. So Bradley wasn't an educated man nor did he come from an educated family. Not in the typical way of thinking , anyway.More educated in real life skills, I would say. Actually, his sister, brother, cousin and sister-in-law all went to prison shortly after we were married.. For bank robbery! 4 young adults robbing a bank. I know that was very stupid but they also seemed to have a sort of blind braveness. Who does that? Everyone has probably joked about it before but to actually do it! Anyway, that all seemed ok at the time but later when I found out I was pregnant, things changed. Did I want my son to grow up in some crappy life? To learn some lapsed  sense of values? No, I did not. I wanted my beautiful baby to have a wonderful life and to grow up being respectful and honest. I wanted him to want more because he knew better. Because he knows that the possibilities in this life are endless. And he will.  Looking back I think Bradley was actually a very smart man considering he had such little education. Classroom education. He just worked very very hard from a very young age. He could fix anything on your car and could rebuild a motor with exact precision. He just had a lot of problems and wasn't ready to be a father. We separated exactly one week to the day before Andrew was born. I used to call down to Alabama all the time to let them know how beautiful Andrew was. How smart he was or when he was sick.. Bradley used to ask me when I was coming home. I would simply reply,"I am home, Bradley". Even after I was with Juan and he had taken on his role of Andrew's loving father, I still called every now and then. I went on to have 2 more children and the calls were few and far between.Finally, that June my Grandma called me and said that Bradley was trying to reach me but had lost my #. So I called down to Alabama and talked for a little while. I told him Andrew was going to school this year and how he was so smart. He said he must have gotten it from me and I told him that wasn't true. I let Andrew sing his ABC's into the phone. He didn't even know that he was singing to his father because Juan is the only father Andrew has ever known.Juan is the one who has been his father  ( emotionally, financially). Bradley never paid one penny in child support. I guess I didn't hold it against him because I had Juan. And honestly, I don't know why, but through all that I wanted so bad for Bradley to be proud of his son. I wanted him to see that maybe he could have been as great as Andrew, had he just been given the opportunity. The love. But I guess he didn't. Andrew's father Bradley Bell passed away on July 29, 2007. He hung his self in his parent's front yard, just after midnight.. You know, it's really strange how even when you are not raised with someone , there are certain traits that simply come from heredity. So many times I see little things that Andrew does and it reminds so much of Bradley. I can't help thinking had Bradley had a nurturing home life what he could have been. All the things he could have accomplished in life. I can only hope that as he looks on from heaven he can know that his life was not a waist or a failure..From him came my precious little angel, Andrew Joseph Bell. Thank you Bradley, may God bless xoxo